What 'Barbie' Teaches Us About Men's Mental Health
Patriarchy is bad for men too, particularly when it comes to our mental health. These negative impacts can lead men to hurt the people around them.
The “Barbie” movie is, among other things, a wonderfully inventive and incisive commentary on what it’s like to live as a woman in a systemically inequitable, patriarchal society. It’s also a playful and poignant commentary on what it’s like to live as a man in this same patriarchal society.
I may have just lost some of my readers by invoking the P-word, likely men who shake their heads at the notion that patriarchy exists or is a problem. I can empathize with this to a degree because I also didn’t appreciate its existence or its repercussions when I was a younger man.
But please continue reading because yes patriarchy exists and yes it’s quite bad for women and trans folks but, despite conferring significant privilege to men in general, patriarchy is bad for men too, particularly when it comes to our mental health. And these negative impacts on men’s mental health can lead us to hurt people around us.
Men in Canada are socialized to believe that there is a particular way to be a man. These traditional masculine ideals include the notion that men are supposed to be independent, strong, career-focused, promiscuous, logical, dominant, and emotionless (except for anger, which gets a pass). As Ryan Gosling’s Ken discovers in the movie, men are also told that we are supposed to love sports and big trucks, hate romantic and sexual commitment, and avoid vulnerable feelings at all costs (and yearn for a life filled with horses, of course).
These ideals are not problematic in themselves, but if we men hold onto them too rigidly, our mental health suffers. Men who believe there’s only one ‘right’ way to be a man are more likely to suffer from mental ill health and related issues like:
Problematic substance use
Experiencing and perpetrating physical violence
Dying by suicide
Engaging in risky and unsafe behaviours (like speeding, risky sex, and problematic gambling)
Having limited social supports and deep confidantes
Knowing fewer helpful and prosocial ways to manage distress
Using health-care services less often, particularly mental health-care
When men experience mental-health issues, we’re more likely to act out and “externalize” our distress, which results in increased rates of perpetrating physical and sexual violence. These elevated offending rates come about in part because of traditional masculine ideals that we need to be dominant and powerful and are not supposed to appear “weak.”
The shame men can experience when not perceiving themselves as “man enough” and failing to live up to these rigidly-held ideals can feel crushing. But the unfortunate irony here is that feeling ashamed is itself shameful in this traditional masculine system, and “real men” don’t feel ashamed because it’s vulnerable and can be perceived as “weak,” so many men don’t talk about it and can’t accept the discomfort of the shame enough to work through it. This partly explains why men present for mental-health support at about half the rate that women do.
In the laudable way that our society has (slowly) broadened its definitions about what it can mean to be a woman, we also need to work further to expand our definitions of what it can mean to be a man.
Men, you don’t need to love sports. You don’t need to be career-focused. You don’t need to be tall or muscular. You also don’t need to love faux-mink coats or mini-fridges or, yes, even majestic horses.
You can love picnics (or not), rom coms (or not), baking (or not), and myriad activities that have been socially framed as “feminine” and which our fragile masculinity then tells us are unmanly and unacceptable. You can and will have emotions other than anger, and sharing them with others is allowed and should be supported.
Everyone feels shame sometimes when we believe others will reject us, and often this shame is unwarranted. Have the courage to acknowledge your shame and work on it, for your benefit and for those around you.
Talk to a friend about real issues. Take a sewing class. Go to therapy. Be an engaged parent. See your doctor. Do the dishes. Own your social privilege.
There are many ways to be a man and no singular “right” way. As Ken’s hoodie reminds us, guys, you are Kenough.
This piece was originally published in The Toronto Star on August 29, 2023. Republished with permission. https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/what-barbie-teaches-us-about-men-s-mental-health-and-the-many-ways-to-be/article_c7e11c04-1102-52b4-9728-9530bc4b66a0.html
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Disclaimer: This post is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for psychotherapy. The information provided is general and may not be appropriate for your particular mental health needs. Always consult a qualified health professional to discuss your personal needs and goals.